It's 6pm and you just got off work and your gym bag is sitting in the passenger seat. The plan was simple: gym at 6:30, work out for an hour, then go home.
Then your phone rings. It's your friend. "Hey! Want to grab dinner tonight?"
And it's not like you haven't seen her in five years. You saw her last week. But dinner sounds so good and the gym sounds... so not good.
"I can just go tomorrow, it doesn't matter."
"Honestly I'd rather see my friend anyway."
Next thing you know you're splitting chips and guac 🥑 and the gym bag is still sitting in the car.
Sound familiar?
Because same. And for me it's almost always the same excuse: "I'm tired." 😴
I remember one night back when I was working as a PA. I'd planned to go to the gym after work, but I ended up staying an hour late to finish my charting. Once I left the office the excuses started coming forward: "You can just go home. Reschedule it for tomorrow, it's fine."
Nothing is wrong with last minute dinner plans. I love dinner with friends. But here's what I see over and over with the women I coach. They set a goal, like going to the gym Monday, Wednesday and Friday. They even plan it out. Then something comes up (someone asks them to do something, or they just don't feel like it) and the first plan to get cancelled is the one they made with themselves.
And listen, as women, most of us are professional people pleasers. Saying yes to everyone else feels normal. Saying no to someone so you can go to the gym feels selfish. (trust me, it's not, but sometimes it feels that way)
You're breaking trust with yourself
Every time you say you're going to do something and then don't, you're teaching your brain that your word doesn't really mean anything.
Think about it like this- If you had a best friend who cancelled on you 50% of the time, would you believe her the next time she made plans? No! You'd be sitting there like "yeah ok, we'll see if she actually shows up" 🙄
That's exactly what's going on in your head. If you've spent years saying "this time I'm going to be consistent" and then bailing half the time, of course you don't believe yourself when you set a new goal. You've got years of proof that you flake on yourself.
So when staying committed feels impossible, that's not you being lazy. You just haven't built the trust yet.
Treat it like a doctor's appointment 🩺
Ok so here's how I want you to start thinking about the plans you make for yourself.
Think about the last time you made a doctor's appointment. You probably waited weeks (sometimes months) to get in. There's a copay and there's a cancellation fee… It's on your calendar and you plan your whole day around it.
And most of the time? You show up. Because that appointment matters to you.
So why are you bailing on your own goals and dreams when you'd never bail on your doctor? 🤔
Your gym time deserves the same respect. Put it on your calendar like an appointment and treat it like one.
"But Brooke, I don't want to be a rigid person who never has fun"
Girl same. I'm not asking you to become someone who turns down every dinner invite. Being flexible can be fine. The problem is being flexible last minute without thinking about it first, because then literally anything can pull you away from your goals. Dinner with a friend is always going to be easier and more fun than the gym, and your brain will pick the easy, fun thing every single time if you let it.
So here's what you do instead 👇
1. Decide your exceptions ahead of time.
Before the week starts, decide what's actually a good enough reason to skip. For example: "If my kids are sick, I'm staying home with them." That's totally ok and you don't need to beat yourself up over it. But these exceptions should be rare, not something that happens every week. When you decide them ahead of time, you already know what you're allowed to cancel over, and "I just didn't feel like it" is not on the list.
2. When something comes up, offer a swap instead of cancelling.
Back to your friend calling and asking to go to dinner. You still get to see her! Try one of these:
"I'm heading to the gym tonight, want to meet up after?"
"Come to the gym with me! We can catch up there."
"I'm not free tonight, but what about tomorrow night?"
You keep your commitment and you see your friend. Everybody wins 🎉
My hot take 🔥
Self-care isn't bubble baths and wine and massages. I mean, I love all of those things 🛁🍷 But real self-care is keeping your word to yourself.
When you actually stick to a goal long term, you get a feeling of pride and fulfillment (that's delayed gratification, and it hits wayyyy different.)
And every time you show up when you said you would, you're building proof that you can trust yourself. So the next time you set a big goal, you actually believe you're going to do it.
So this week, pick one plan you've made with yourself and treat it like a doctor's appointment. No last minute cancellations. Do the damn thing 💪
If this is you, grab The Week 3 Fix. It's free and it's what to do on the actual day you want to quit. Subscribe for free and it'll show up right here on this article 👇
Tell me in the comments: what's the plan you cancel on yourself the most? And if you have a friend who needs to hear this, send it to her 🫶🏼