I woke up Saturday morning, moved my leg an inch, and said "what the fuck."
My knee was so swollen. And within minutes of waking up, I was crying.
I didn't leave the couch that entire day. My boyfriend basically became my personal assistant, bringing me water and ice and whatever else I needed. I canceled every plan I had for the rest of the weekend and posted up for puppy cuddles 🐶 (which is definitely the silver lining of an injury).
And here's the part that's crazy- this is literally my job. I coach women on how to not quit. I've spent years practicing what I preach- staying committed to goals even when it gets tough (because newsflash, it WILL get tough). I know how to show up when it gets hard and boring.
And that weekend, I lost hope.
How I got here
Little backstory. In July I tore my meniscus (for a second time) and got a bone bruise. It took me 2 months to start walking somewhat normally again.
And here's what nobody tells you about being injured. You think about everything. How you're walking. How you're sitting. How long you've been standing. Is it swelling? Does it hurt? Is that a new pain or the old pain? If you're already an overthinker and you get injured, your brain won't turn off. I'm 32 years old. I shouldn't be thinking about my walking form lol. But when you're hurt, you think about it constantly.
So last Friday felt like a big deal. I took the dogs on a long walk, went to the gym, then went to dinner and the bars with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. It was SO much fun 💃
And for the first time in over two months, I wasn't thinking about my knee at all. I was just... walking. Like a normal person, and honestly- that's a win.
Until it wasn't 🥲 I remember walking to my car at the end of the night and thinking, "damn, my knee hurts a little bit." And I didn't think anything else of it. I went home, went to bed, and woke up the next morning with pain.
The spiral
Here's what was running through my head that whole weekend:
All this because I went out? Because I walked too much? I'm going to need surgery. This sucks. I don't want to do this. I'm scared. Surgery is scary. I don't know what to do. I'm in so much pain. I fucked up. This is my fault.
And the big one: If walking around for one evening does this to my knee, how the hell am I ever going to play pickleball again?
So as any overthinker does- I started planning. I decided I needed to call my orthopedic surgeon and book the surgery. I messaged my physical therapist and gave him the whole lowdown. In my head, it was decided.
Now, I couldn't do my PT exercises that weekend, but that wasn't the quitting part. My knee was swollen and I needed to rest, and I'm proud of myself for listening to my body. The quitting was all in my head. The quitting was losing hope and feeling defeated. I let myself spiral and I had basically given up before giving myself a few days to rest and process.
Sound familiar?
Maybe it's not a swollen knee for you. Maybe you skipped one workout and suddenly the whole week is "ruined." Or you ate the cookies at the office party and decided, well, might as well start over Monday. Or next month. Or never.
So if you're sitting there thinking "why can't I just stay consistent like other people," please hear me: the days you want to quit come for everyone. Even the girl who coaches it. The difference between actually quitting and moving forward is knowing what to do when that day comes.
Real quick, before I tell you what I did: I made a free quit-day checklist for exactly this moment. It's called The Week 3 Fix. Subscribe for free and it's yours- once you're subscribed it'll show up right here on this article 👇
So what actually happened?
First, the guilt. It lasted about three days. All of Saturday, all of Sunday, and half of Monday I was beating myself up. I should have known better. I shouldn't have walked so much. Why would I go to a bar? I need to be more careful.
And listen, I'm all for taking accountability. But being mad at myself wasn't going to un-swell my knee. So I asked a different question: okay, what can I learn from this?
What I learned is that even when I'm feeling good and not thinking about my knee, I still need limits. How long I'm standing, how long I'm walking, making sure I have time to rest. I wasn't paying attention to any of that. I went right back to normal and had a few drinks, so I definitely wasn't feeling any pain if there was some (and not gonna lie, the drinks didn't help my emotions the next day either).
Then I realized most of my suffering wasn't coming from my knee. It was coming from how I was talking to myself. So I cleaned it up and chose other thoughts instead:
You didn't know. Now you know. Ups and downs are part of healing. It's not always smooth sailing. You're listening to your body, and that's amazing. I will learn from this.
Once I stopped beating myself up, my head got so much clearer. I could now make decisions from a better place instead of just reacting and I could finally look at the scary thoughts that were still hanging around:
"I have to get surgery. I'll never play pickleball again. I'll always be in pain."
And here's the catch. Some of those might end up being true! It's possible I need surgery. It's possible I will have some pain forever. There are some circumstances I can't control. But I can always control my reaction to them.
So I picked new thoughts on purpose:
If I get surgery, I'm choosing it to help me.
If I can't play pickleball again, I'll find something else I love as much as pickleball.
If I'm in pain every day, I know how to handle it, because I have the mental tools to help myself.
I immediately felt way less shitty. I didn't feel all sunshine and rainbows, but I also wasn't catastrophizing like I was before. My head was so much more clear that I was able to make a plan that felt good to me.
I knew I didn't need to "fix my knee" and "decide on surgery today." I just needed a plan for the next few days while I continued to assess.
So what to do when YOU want to quit something
Ok, so that's my story. Now let's talk about you. Whether it's an injury, a skipped workout, or eating a sleeve of Oreos at 10pm, here's what I want you to do.
1. Notice you're in it. Literally say "oh, this is a quit day." Naming it takes a little bit of the power away.
2. Separate the facts from the thoughts. "My knee is swollen" is a fact. "I'll never play again" is a thought. "I skipped Tuesday" is a fact. "I always fall off" is a thought. Get them out of your head and onto paper, and separate them.
3. Keep the lesson, drop the guilt. Ask "what can I learn from this?" Being mad at yourself has never once gotten anyone back to the gym.
4. Pick the next thing. One thing, and when you'll do it. Tomorrow's walk. Thursday's workout. Your next meal. Resetting doesn't need to be a big dramatic "Monday I start over" moment. For me, it was talking to my physical therapist and making a plan.
I made you a quit-day checklist
I turned all of this into a free guide called The Week 3 Fix. It's got a quit-day checklist you can pull up the second you feel yourself spiraling. Subscribe for free and I'll send it right over, then save it for your next hard day 💛
Where I'm at now
My knee is a little better. Still a little swollen, still a little pain, but I feel so much more hopeful. I just saw my physical therapist, I have a clear path forward, and I have a list of questions for my orthopedic surgeon if I end up wanting to go that route.
Will everything go smoothly? Probably not. But I trust myself to make the right call for me when it's time.
Tell me in the comments: what does your quit day usually look like? I promise, you are not alone!
Great to find you here Brooke!